On Friday, 25 November 2016, the day after Thanksgiving, the notorious Tattnall County Herpes Gang struck again, this time stealing the priceless Hope Log from the premises of the old school in a daring daylight heist. As the photos below show, first master-mind Bubba (Jim Bob) Herpes and his wife Sylvia Herpes (the safecracker of the gang) dislodged the log from its secure footings, and attempted to fit it into the back of their minivan. Failing this attempt, about two hours later, following a Pop-Rocks-fueled Super Two scratch-off binge down at the Hagan Pic-a-Mart, Bubba and his cousin Scooter Syphilis, the gang’s drift driver and part-time Pet Shop Boys female impersonator, returned and successfully made off with the goods, as shown below. Their VD caseworker was unavailable for comment.
All funnin’ aside, the Tattnall County Sheriff’s Office has, on multiple occasions, insisted that the crime around here was being committed by either black gangs, rowdy teenagers, or both. Do these people look like blacks or teenagers to you? They don’t to me, and neither have about 80% of the people we’ve had problems with trespassing on this property. Make that around 85% now. Given those two nice vehicles, they don’t look desperate or poor, either.
Herpes and Syphilis will make people do bizarre things, especially when they are in a gang together.